This is from a blog i posted a few years ago. I thought it worth reposting.
“Police arrest oiled man armed with nunchucks - Charleston police officers investigating an indecent-exposure complaint wound up battling a James Island man armed with nunchucks and covered in grease in his apartment, a report states. When coming to deal with the man - Smith answered (the door) reluctantly, wearing athletic shorts and shoes with oil covering his bare torso and a pair of wooden nunchucks in his left hand. The officers ordered him to drop the weapon, but he refused. When Thayer attempted to grab his arm, Smith began hitting Hildebidle with the nunchucks. They had a hard time controlling him because of the oil.”
Yep. First things first.
Worth bringing to attention. Again - Oiled man. Numchucks. Battling said man.
What guy hasn’t DREAMED of this? Covered in grease battling police officers with nunchucks! I’m only mad because he beat me to it! If i’m gonna go, i wanna go like this.
“They had a hard time controlling him because of the oil” OF COURSE they did! Brilliant move, Smith. BRILLIANT. I don’t know what movie you watched, or what weed in your garden you lit and smoked, but this is genius.
He’s sitting in his apartment, waiting. Waiting. Always waiting. They open the door to find a man standing in atheletic shoes and shorts, covered head to toe in grease, swinging nunchucks somewhat awkwardly, but intimidatingly, at the cops. Through a scowl, he mouths - “Bring it on, pigs. It’s time to roll. Literally.”
The scene unfolds -
(as the door is broken down, they find man standing in the middle of the room, covered in oil, looking down, fixing his numchucks)
Oilman - “I see you got the complaint call. It’s about time.”
Cop 1 (Raymond) - “Uh. Yeah. Listen buddy..”
Oilman - “It’s Elvis.”
Cop 2 (Herbie) - “Elvis?”
Elvis - “Just like the singer. Cept with these” (Winks and swings numchucks unconvincingly)
Ray - “Okay, Elvis. We can do the easy way, or the hard. Your call.”
Elvis smiles, looks up at the cops, laughs - “Then it’s time to dance. Let’s DO this!!!!” Then abruptly slips due to the oily nature his feet on the also oily floor.
Then begins the melee of awkward grips, slipping fingers, nunchucks not only hitting the desired foes, but also the head of the greased ninja.
All the money in the world for that scene. All of it. Even the change in my spider man mini lunch pail. ALL of that $1.85. The grunts, the sounds of slipping, the inaudible sounds of regret. That’s what the cops heard, though i’m sure all he heard was Van Halen’s “Panama” playing over and over in his head.
Let me say this - I love police officers and the profession - all except those 2 that have pulled me over for BARELY speeding. I in no way condone the fighting of police officers, except for dirty cops. The cops who are dealing on the side. The cops who are running the prostitution ring. That’s okay. The cops that were in the fight were fine - one had a few hits to the face, the other only tarnished by the oil stains on his uni. But oh the story they had to tell once they got back to the station.
If the world truly is going to hell in a handbasket, i hope this is the way it goes. Not with guns, machetes, or grenades, but with greased guys garnishing ninja weapons.
