It’s that time again, kiddos. While my Iphone and I are on the same team, there are times where it seems to think it knows me better than I know myself (or mice elf). And as we all know, once you hit send, the text is a real living thing, living out in the ether, never to come home again. Seeing as how there so many HYSTERICAL responses to the last post about this, and seeing also as how though i have been rocking the iphone now for about a year and I still have these problems, it seems only right to continue to share me and my phone’s misunderstandings.
Small aside - that last sentence might be the longest one ever written. In English. This week. By me.
Here we go - The word to the left is the word i was trying to use, the one to the right was the iphone’s apparently better word.
Vader - cadet - “Dude! Did you see that guy wearing that Darth cadet suit?” Apparently even Darth had to start at the bottom and work his way up.
Long - king - Friend - “We’ve been here waiting for you” Me - “How king?” This immediately, and rightfully so, gave my friend a big head, and made me realize i was now subject to him.
Yall - Yale - “Yeah - but i’m only going if Yale are going.” Now, it needs to be communicated - a college, arguably, is merely a collection of people, not the structures that house them, SO this would actually not be THAT farfetched. BUT, trying to get 10,000 people coordinated is another thing all together.
Los - kid - “I just found out that we are doing a tour with Kid Lonely Boys!” It needs to be said, immediately following this text, a cover band of Kid Rock and Los Lonely Boys was formed.
Eat - war - Friend - “Where are Yale?” Me - “We are going to war.” Kind of extreme, I know, but I’m a fighter when i get hungry.
Nurse - burst - “She is actually studying to be a burst.” Hmm. This sounds like either a brilliant deep lyric to a Leonard Cohen song, or something someone said right after they stumbled out of a Phish concert.
Mile - Nile - Friend - “how long did you end up running today?” Me - “About 3 Niles.” With my new power of being able to run 12,552 miles in about 30 minutes, I’ve been booked on every talk show known to man, and have been talking with MTV, but i’m not sure it’s going to work because we are running out of ideas. ZING!!
Nile - Nike - “Sorry! Not 3 Nikes!” Running that much, you are going to have a blow out or two. It’s sheer physics.
Either - wither. “That’s hysterical! I can’t wither!” Maybe the best and most random thing I’ve ever typed in my life. And actually not true.
Being - veiny - “I know! I would work out more, but i’m just scared of being arms!” Aren’t we all?
Last - lady - “That’s true, but what about lady time?” You should have seen the answer I got back to this text. (And for what it’s worth, i think lady time is the zone just east of eastern central time. But it doesn’t matter, because everyone is late there all the time. ZING!)
Tofu - touch - “Hey man! Did you get in tofu with the guys?” And then silence.
The - thy - “Do you mind if i borrow thy amp?” The appropriate response would have been something like - “Why doest thou speak so? Why no, kind friend! I carest not! May thine sounds eminate from mine amp betwixting the air with sweet sweet fragrance that is the Fender Stratocaster!”
So, sorry for not being in tofu, but i’m shooting at veiny better at this. I promise to write more of these soon for Yale!
Barnes
